It's the end of the year, and like everyone else I've been pondering through the happenings of this last year.. What should have been squeezed into a time frame of (and would be more fair) at least 5 years all shoved into one.
This time last year I was losing hope and faith. My relationship(s) went to shit. My fading health had depleted me of who I was. I was depressed and scared constantly trying to cover myself up with lies and achievements
One year ago I was told
Within the year..... I don't see you making it much longer, unless something changes.. And I'm sorry but I don't know where else to turn.
This time last year my medications were failing me. I couldn't hold nutrients. I was constantly sick with virus after virus because my immune system couldn't hold up. I had passed out from the medications so frequently that it permanently damaged my ability to multitask, my speech, and my vision.
Andy and I were separated. I even tried dating. I'm a relationship person-- so I go about acting as though I need to be in a relationship but really that was the furthest thing from my mind.. I was just doing what was "norm" for me. Because that's all I knew. Andy went through a deep depression and every time I denied him I hated myself even more, but I knew that we needed it. It was for the best.
A hop, skip, and a jump later and we slowly mended things.
I decided to give up on medications and give God a chance to guide me to the right treatment, if any at all.
In one month from today, it will be 1 whole year since I have been on any form of antibiotic for Lyme treatment.
1 year
Words cannot describe how it feels to say that. This is coming from someone who has been on antibiotics nonstop since 1999 (which was 4th grade for me, to be exact)
Though I frequently have Lyme pains... I'm still alive.
Something that-- A year ago, I was told would not be.
And this is OFF antibiotics too.
I started eating right.. Pushing myself to exercise even though it hurt (and BOY OH BOY did it hurt..)
One year ago today I had friends who were suddenly there for me. New friends and old, who, today- disappear from my life. It saddens me to see that my life spiraling downwards was merely entertainment for some.
But you have to be Your OWN happiness.
And with that, I have also gained friends, and even more respect for old friend, teachers, and classmates.
In this time frame. Of living, almost dying, moving, going to school, moving again;; I became an aunt to twin boys.
TWIN BOYS
Whom, I try to see as much as I possibly can. And it is a miracle to see our family grow. And how much even the tiniest of life can change someone forever.
But......
In this last year I was reminded once again how fragile life is. And to make sure you tell someone what you feel, because you may not have a chance to later on. Or to keep in better touch or acknowledge an old friend who is important to you.. because it might be the last thing you ever get to say to them. Because.... you don't know what really goes on in their head.
Because.... this last year we also lost a friend.
Where life is given, it is also taken away... Maybe not even taken, but chosen to end. And though it is sad we have to count our blessings. Learn from our mistakes and even the mistakes of others.
In the last year my kids went from toddlers and babies to preschoolers. I see their personalities unravel and it's exciting to see their individuality.
And lastly,
It has been awhile but what's the rush? This is my story afterall ;)
