11-24-12

Nightfall creeps upon me like an icy fever from hell.

I never want to be alone. Don’t leave me alone.

The body aches worsen and headaches approach. I want out. Someone take me away. I need to get out.

I’m feeling stiff now and my mind is wandering. I’m looking around for something to keep me occupied. I’m anxious.

With Lyme, or just about anything, your symptoms worsen at night. A night alone to oneself is a Godsend if you can enjoy it, but I spent so many years alone.

The pains are unbearable and I don’t want to think of them. I’d give anything for a night out in town accompanied by familiar faces just as a distraction.

Nights… Yes… Nights are worse.

When I was younger I spent the long nights awake and alone. The silence would do everything but kill me. I would pace from the pains and tears would fall from my eyes like raindrops. I hated the night. I dreaded the night.

The sharp pains pushed and pulled me or threw me down. I couldn’t control them. I couldn’t avoid them. Completely and utterly alone I would suffer every single night. My fevers would break at dawn and I would find myself wrapped in angel’s wings for only about an hour before being awoken for the day.

Here I am again, alone.

If you cannot relive your past then why does it feel that I have?

The pains are so significant. Something that pain killers cannot mask.

My brain is troubleshooting for sleep. Where is sleep… Cannot find sleep.

Twisting and turn. Pacing and squirming. I want out. I want out I want out I want out.